Damn flu - turned into something positive

The flu has made its way around our office over the past 2 months & it has not been pleasant...

Just over a month ago I was notified at work that I only have 4.25 hours of sick leave left until January 2016.  This is because of my 2 hospital visits when I relapsed with MG earlier this year, as well as the time I had to take to remove my massive ovarian cysts that had developed.  I was very frustrated with this news as I am not usually a sickly person & I had not taken leave for a simple cough or upset tummy - they were legitimate reasons that saw me going to hospital (and even ICU for a short time).  To be told that I pretty much cannot get sick again until 2016 was not the worst of it; its that if there is another emergency &, God forbid, I have to go to hospital again or suffer any form of relapse I will have to take unpaid leave & truly suffer because of this silly illness.

When I got this letter, I could feel the start of a cold coming on.  I had a sore throat - but nothing to really write home about.  I was so determined not to get sick.  I stocked up on Vitamin C (it is a big joke in our family as Vitamin C is prescribed for everything & we would all rather take that than any other chemicals that a doctor prescribes) & multivitamins, as well as plenty of Berocca.  Now when I opened the email, I realised how serious this was & I really could not get sick.  Usually when I get sick it affects my MG as well, as my body is so busy fighting off the cold/flu that my MG worsens & I often start slurring my words & battling through daily activities.  This in turn can lead to me having to take time off to recover from the flu, but also to build up my strength with my MG & sleep lots so that I don't relapse.

I fought it as hard as I could, but unfortunately it got the better of me.  Eventually I ended up going to the doctor one day at work as my nose was terribly blocked, my throat so sore that I could barely swallow & I felt terribly weak.  The doctor diagnosed me with acute sinusitis & the start of pharyngitis, & put me onto antibiotics as well as booking me off for a day.  I went home, slept & took my medicine like a good girl but things did not improve.  (Note:  You have to be very careful which antibiotics you take when you have MG.  Once I had the wrong one prescribed to me & I ended up in ICU battling to swallow & breathe)

I felt grim.  There is no other way to put it.  I never get flu - usually just a cold & then it disappears.  This time I was getting all clammy & feverish, I had no appetite & was constantly nauseous, & I did not want to leave my bed.  However, knowing that I had no sick leave left meant I had to go back to work & attempt to push through.

My colleague had taken a weeks leave at the same time so I knew I couldn't afford to be sick as I was doing both of our jobs & couldn't let my boss down.  I tried.  Really I did.  I could barely concentrate & my nose was so blocked that I couldn't even swallow.  I was weak, felt faint & had absolutely no energy.  I was in bed by 8 most nights!  Eventually my husband told me he was taking me to another doctor as clearly the antibiotic was doing nothing for me, as I had finished the course 3 nights earlier & was just getting worse.

I walked into the doctors rooms & already felt better.  This was a doctor I had been to before & he knew my medical history.  He knows I don't make a fuss about nothing & he knows I try be Superwoman through everything!  He did all the usual checks & told me I now had sinusitis, flu & laryngitis.  I was put on a much stronger antibiotic & told to take 2 days off work to rest & not to really leave my bed for the weekend following.  He was very stern in this instruction - even when I explained the situation I am currently in.  He said if I don't take time off I will not get better & this will make my MG even worse.

I freaked out!  How could I take more time off work?  Would I lose my job?  Would they think that I don't take my work seriously?  What would my boss say?  Would they think I was making a fuss about nothing?

I got on the phone to my HR manager at work & asked her if I could take the time as annual leave - which was fine.  I still had a terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, but felt too ill to do much except obey the doctor & allow my husband to take me home & put me to bed.  I also asked a very good Homeopath to prescribe me some drops to take in conjunction with my antibiotics.

This flu was awful.  I fought it for a good 2 weeks & still don't feel quite right.  My MG has gone down a bit too.  I am slurring my words & battle to swallow by about 6pm.  It sucks that a simple cold turns into something worse so easily - just because I have no immune system from my medications.  And it is so annoying that the moment my body is trying to fight off something else my MG flares up & shows its ugly head once again.

Now I am just taking things easy.  I am, however, trying to see all those people special to me & those that understand if I am talking funny or take an hour to finish my meal.  We are getting out more, as this past year we have been like hermits.  We have had wonderful special time together, but unfortunately have neglected a lot of our friendships.  We are lucky in that our friends have been compassionate & understanding to our situation, & still make the effort to see us or invite us out.  It means the world to me & I have finally come to realise that I cannot be ashamed of my talking as it is beyond my control, & my friends love me - warts & all!  I have always tried to hide it & would just keep quiet when out on public or hide behind husband & let him have the say for both of us.  This is changing - at last.

Me & husband at a dress up party

I am getting my confidence back & this has helped me to see who my true friends are.  There are those friendships that I have been fighting for for too long now & I am letting them go.  It is not worth the fight.  I have been hurt, burnt & dropped for better opportunities.  Friendship is a two-way street & the love I have received from those special people lately has shown me what I want in a friend - as well as what I actually deserve.  Getting my confidence back has done that for me.  I am not useless, & I don't deserve to be treated that way.  I deserve to be that first phone call, or the one that a friend wants to celebrate with.  I deserve to be invited out & spend time laughing & learning more about one another.  My friends don't care if I talk funny or if I go to bed by 9pm.  They don't care if I am an old lady now or if I don't eat dinner because I can't swallow.  They don't look at me funny or treat me any differently to a normal person.

With some truly special friends

Having my time off work to rest & recover has really made me see this.  And I am so grateful.  It has been difficult & I have had to cut some ties that I have been holding onto for too long now.  At long last, and probably for the first time since being diagnosed, I am comfortable within myself.  I have accepted my MG & the person it brings out occasionally.  I do have MG, but that is not everything there is about me.

Friends & family; thank you for loving me through everything & for accepting me for who I am.  I love you & don't know what I would do without you!  At long last the real Megan is going to come out; & you will just have to bear with all the slurred talking as I do have a lot to say & can't wait to spend more time with you making memories xxx

Love you guys!

Time

I haven't written a blog in what seems like forever...  I honestly don't know where time has gone.  Life seems to be so hectic at the moment that I have battled to find the time to sit down & write - without wanting to just fall asleep!

Life is good.  It is hectic but I am strong.  MG is not giving me too many issues, with only my talking letting me down occasionally; and this is mainly only after a long day at work.  My hands are working well, & my fingers don't want to constantly drop things as they did previously.  I haven't choked on any food in some time now (touch wood) & I have even managed to wear heels out in public without my legs collapsing beneath me.  So all in all life is pretty darn amazing!

Work has been very busy, which I enjoy.  It makes the days go by quickly & keeps my brain on top of its game, as well as thinking of other things rather than my health.  We have plans nearly every weekend, with baby showers;  birthday parties & time with family.  I cannot believe it is already August.  Where has this year gone??

I have been continuing with my appointments with Dr Colin (the fertility specialist) & so far things seem to be working.  This last month I finally had a healthy, good-sized egg & I am still taking all the tablets that will hopefully help us to have that baby we have so been hoping for.  My progesterone levels are also higher (i.e. I am VERY emotional!).  

Every month is difficult.  We wait & wait-then good old Penny decides to drop in for another visit.  Silly woman.  I am trying very hard to sound nonchalant about this, but inside it breaks me.  I feel like a failure as a wife.  It is our greatest desire to have a baby.  People keep telling me to forget about it & then it will happen.  Believe me, if I could I would.  But how can I when I have been told I have until the end of the year to fall pregnant before more drastic steps have to be taken?  How can I when every month is a waiting game?  How can I when it seems like every second person I talk to is pregnant?  How can I when it lies heavy on my heart?  How can I when people are always asking us when we are going to have that baby, or want to offer us advice on what works best to fall pregnant?  I know they are probably just trying to help, but it cuts right into my soul every time.  We have been praying over this & I have handed it over to God.  It is in his hands now, & I know that it will happen - in His time.  Mark 11:24 says this, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

The ribbons I made for friends with a tiny snowflake in the centre!

I have so many ideas for different blog subjects that I want to write on, but to find the time currently & get my head around everything is proving to be very tricky.  I will get there & hopefully will get back on track with putting all my thoughts into action!

I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who helped me to create awareness for Myasthenia Gravis during the month of June, the international awareness month for MG.  Thank you to everyone who wore my ribbons, bought my car stickers & taught people something about MG.  I have had such an amazing response & really just want to thank everyone for standing beside me & supporting me in every way possible.  You guys are legends!  I am truly blessed to have an amazing support team & you are the reason I get up every morning, smile & get through the day.  Thank you for your support, for loving me (warts & all) but most of all for helping me to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

The car decal I have on my car to try create awareness

Car decal friends & family have bought to put on their cars

I am grateful for the tough times I have been through.  These have helped me to truly appreciate the good times; to live every day as if it is my last; and to be the person that I am today.  I have learnt to trust God completely.  He sees the bigger picture & I know He has an amazing plan for my life!  If I can help just one other person going through a similar issue, then I will be happy.  I am the person I am today because of my MG & what it has taught me.  It has helped me to mature; be more understanding & patient; love others for their differences/individuality; make the most of every opportunity; & also not to take my health for granted.

Our lives were given to us as a gift.  We should treasure every day, & treasure every person that crosses our path.  Maybe we can learn something from them; or maybe we were meant to meet them to cheer them up & help them see the good in laugh. 

So remember, be friendly.  Smile at the grocery packer & cashier.  Take the time to talk to the car guard.  Make friends with your colleagues.  Play with kids.  Spend time with your granny.  Support those less fortunate than yourselves.  You don't know what other people are going through & how much your simple smile or word could mean to them.  And hopefully one day if you are having a bad day, you will come across a stranger who will remind you how special you are & will give you a smile to brighten up your day!