Tuesday, 24 May 2016

My Hero

Do you remember in school how they would always get you to write an essay about the person you considered to be your hero?  I remember writing about Mother Theresa, Florence Nightingale & Racheltjie de Beer.  These were some amazing people that gave so much for others & put themselves second.

Now that I am older, I am blessed to know my hero personally.  This is my husband, Warren.

Taken the night we met
We met in 2011 at our local nightclub & I remember seeing him at the bar & my heart did a little jump-skip-hop.  I knew that this was someone special, but I didn’t realise the huge impact he would have on my life.  I did realise he was a keeper when he would travel across town every day to come visit me; bringing dinner, flowers & chocolate.  He made me laugh & brought out the very best in me.  We would have parties in the car when we were driving anywhere together & life was just more fun with him around.

2 months into our relationship I got very sick & ended up in a medically induced coma for a week.  I remember waking up & saying to him that this was his way out.  I understood if he didn’t want to be with someone with my issues.  I explained what MG is truly like & the issues it may bring.  He proved himself to me when he moved me in with him once I was out of hospital – he took such good care of me, cleaned my wounds & did everything he could to provide for us during this challenging time.

We got married in 2012 & I can still remember entering the church & seeing his face at the end of the aisle.  Again the jump-skip-hop & I wanted to run down to him (sorry mum for almost forgetting to walk slowly with you!).  We knew that God had brought us together for a reason & that He has an amazing future planned for us.

Fast forward to 2016.

This year has been tough (to say the very least!).

It started with us finding out on Warren’s birthday that our miracle baby had not made it.  Although he was breaking as well, he held me together & wiped away my tears.  He reminded me to not give up & kept me going through this very dark period.
When I officially miscarried; Warren was the man who was there holding my hand, crying with me & helping me cope with what was happening.  He put me in the shower & cuddled me in bed until we went to the hospital.  He was the last face I saw before I went under anaesthetic, & the first face I saw when I came round again.  It was breaking him as well, but he stayed strong for me.  He supported me & loved me.  We grieved for the loss of our baby, for the loss of what could have been & the loss of a future that was no more.

We had our second round of IVF.  We were positive & we never lost hope that this would be our time.  If one of us was having a tough day, the other would be strong & vice versa.  We never gave up on each other.  When this didn’t work, it was as though it had opened the floodgates of all our emotions that we had been hanging on to.  My health had been gradually deteriorating since the beginning of 2015 but I was determined to push through this. 
We cried, we screamed, we fought. 
But we still loved each other. 

Warren had the added pressure of false promises at his job & the pressure of providing for us in a tough environment.  I don’t think he ever really let on just how stressed he was, or what he was going through to ensure we made it through every month.  Then God showed us His plan & we were blessed when Warren got an amazing job opportunity.  It involves a relocation but we are trusting that this is where God wants us & we are excited for this adventure together.  It will allow us more precious time together & for us to grow together as a couple.

Warren is the man that stood by my side on mothers day this year.  He held me in his arms as I sobbed for the loss of our babies & the fact that I do not get to celebrate being a mother.  He squeezed my hand when we were out at lunch & the emotions started overwhelming me again.  He understood it was getting too much when all we were hearing was how amazing mothers are & I felt useless.  (Not taking away how amazing mothers are – gosh I have been blessed with the best mum & mum-in-law ever.  It was just a very emotional day.)  He just got me.

I don’t think people realise just how drastically my health has deteriorated this year.  We are often questioned as to why we don’t come out or aren’t more involved in things – well, here it is.
Myasthenia Gravis is not a fun disease.  It has attacked my body this year & left me feeling like a popped balloon – useless & flat.
I have had great difficulty making it through a full day of work – there are times I have climbed under a desk at lunch time just to have a nap to try make it through the afternoon. 
I have hardly any energy & getting out of bed takes a great amount of effort.  My muscles have been tired & weak, & there are times I cannot get out of bed on my own.  
Warren has had to help bath me, wash my hair, dry me & dress me.  That might sound very romantic, but believe me, when you feel like a baby & can do nothing but sit there & cry; it is anything but romantic!
I have been so exhausted when I get home that I simply plop onto the couch & either have a nap or watch some silly program.  Warren has been cooking dinner, cleaning the house & playing with our animals.  

For my birthday Warren cooked us a 3 course meal – one that he had googled “for people that have difficulty chewing & swallowing”.  It may not have been his ideal meal, but he always puts me before him.  He knows me so well – sometimes even better than I know myself.
I often cannot swallow or even chew food from about lunch time, so dinner parties & braais with mates more often than not end with us having to leave early or rather just not go - I get super self-conscious eating in front of any one.

He is a real life superhero!

He has been my “speaker” & translator on those days that my speech has been slurred & an effort (which seems to be every day lately).  He has never once laughed at me or told me I sound funny.  He takes the time to listen carefully & passes on any messages I may have for others – so please know that although I may not be talking to you, I am thinking of you.

Warren goes above & beyond what is ever expected of a husband.
We have been through more in our time together than most people have to deal with in an entire lifetime.  And he still amazes me every day.

He is my hero because of who he is, the person he makes me want to be, & the unwavering faith he has shown me throughout all of this.  For this I am truly blessed.

Babe, I know that I do not tell you enough, but I LOVE YOU.
There is nobody like you in this world.  I know for a fact that no-one could love me like you, & no other man could cope with what you have had to cope with.
Thank you for loving me through all the snot & trane.  Thank you for being my hands when mine give up.  Thank you for making me laugh when the tears have escaped yet again.  Thank you for supporting me, providing for me & ensuring I am never left wanting.  Thank you for teaching me unconditional love & for bringing out the best in me.  Thank you that every day with you is exciting & I am always learning something new about us.
I am forever grateful to God for bringing you into my life & for His perfect timing.
I can’t wait for this next adventure together & I know there are only good things ahead for us.

I love you – to the moon & back.
And you still make my heart jump-skip-hop - every single day xxx