This past year seems to have passed in a complete blur…
Our focus has been on trying to have a baby &
unfortunately everything else seems to have fallen away, or simply skipped
over.
We were told last year that our only option to have a
baby was to have IVF. I can also only be
on certain medication for my Myasthenia Gravis as many of them cause major
birth defects & we aren’t willing to take that risk. So I cut down on all my medicine, pumped up
the supplements & vitamins & started trying to have a baby.
We were married in October 2012 & knew that we wanted
to have children right from then.
However we weren’t in a great hurry as we were in the dark about all the
problems that my body was hiding. We
were trying, but not charting or checking ovulation & so on – we were just
enjoying being married & getting to grow as a couple.
In 2014 when still nothing had happened, we decided to
visit a special friend of mine that is a Homeopath & Chinese medicine
practitioner that specialises in infertility.
In fact he has been able to get people pregnant that were not able to
conceive with IVF! I was filled with
hope & very excited to get started.
A year of herbs; weekly acupuncture & consultations; & a healthy
diet unfortunately did not bring us a baby.
It did get me feeling a lot better, seemed to bring my Myasthenia Gravis
under better control as well as regulating my cycle.
I returned to my gynae who said that we needed to go for
IVF. I had blood tests that showed I had
very few eggs left & they are a very poor quality. This means that time is of the essence &
we do not have time to mess around. Yes
I am only 27 now, but due to the years of medication & my disease, there
are a lot more complications than a ‘normal’ person would have.
We went to a specialist in Durban for an initial consult
& I left in tears. He was so
negative & uncaring that I felt like I was just a pay cheque to him &
not a person at all. He told me he
doubted anything would work & he wanted to do an operation to remove my
endometriosis – this would cost us R30,000 & I would be in the day
clinic. Firstly, this amount is
astronomical & he wanted it paid in cash before he would operate. Secondly, going under anaesthetic with
Myasthenia Gravis poses a huge risk.
Anaesthetists do not like dealing with myasthenics as there is a chance
we will not wake up. After every
operation of mine I have had to spend the night in high care & be monitored
closely to ensure I am coping. So the
fact that he was willing to just send me home on the same day sent up red flags
in my mind – how much does he really know about MG??
After discussing this with family & friends, my
husband’s uncle suggested we try a clinic in Bloemfontein who has really good
results & also charges a lot less than a private clinic. I researched Universitas Hospital & found
so many positive feedback comments. Because
this is a government hospital, fees are cut down to the bare essentials. We made an appointment for the earliest
available time & waited for the next few months for our time to come. In the meantime I had to have an operation to
remove my endometriosis, as well as my right ovary & tube which had become
too badly damaged by my constant cysts & endometriosis.
It is a 12 hour round trip to Bloemfontein from
Pietermaritzburg, but we were willing to travel if they were willing to help
us! I cannot begin to put into words how
wonderful the staff are there. Straight
away we knew that we had made the right decision as we were welcomed with
smiles & made to feel so comfortable.
They held a discussion with the professor of the infertility clinic, as
well as support staff & came back to us with a plan.
In October we had our first round of IVF. Now let me tell you, there is a lot that you
are not prepared for! You start
injections on day 3 of your cycle – this is usually just one injection a day to
start off with, & builds up to 4 a day.
For someone with a very real fear of needles, this is a terrifying
prospect. You have to go for an internal
scan every couple of days to measure the growth of your follicles & to
ensure the doctors are happy that everything is progressing as it should. The hormones that are suddenly flooding your
body wreak havoc on your emotions & I often found myself crying for
absolutely no reason at all. As your
follicles grow, so the pain in your abdomen increases – imagine a bunch of
grapes surrounding your ovary & this is what you feel like. It aches, there is pressure & you start
to feel quite miserable!
Then comes the retrieval…
You are under anaesthetic for this procedure, & they insert a
massive needle attached to the ultrasound probe to aspirate eggs from the
follicles surrounding your ovary. It can
hurt a bit afterwards, but nothing that us women can’t handle!
We then wait to hear how many eggs fertilise & how
many continue to grow. I had my embryo
transfer 3 days after retrieval & this really isn’t bad. They insert a tiny catheter & the embryos
are transferred directly into your uterus where you pray they stay.
We were truly blessed with our first cycle to discover
that I was pregnant! Once little embryo
had taken up home & was making itself comfortable. I couldn’t believe it & our entire family
was over the moon.
Unfortunately this was not meant to be & I miscarried
at 10 weeks. Never in my life have I
experienced something so awful. I would
not wish it onto my worst enemy.
The positive side of this was that I had managed to fall
pregnant, even though so many people had told me that this was not possible.
We tried again in March for hopefully a more successful
round, & although everything went perfectly, it didn’t work. Our little babies were not made for this
earth & made their way straight to heaven.
Over time all of this stress & emotional uphill has
broken me. My heart is heavy & I can
feel that my MG once again has control over me.
I am slurring my words; choking on my food; & can’t hold certain things. I cannot crochet for long periods of time
without my hands giving up, & I have trouble doing up buttons on my
pants. I am tired the whole time & I
am starting to battle with walking long distances.
Unfortunately this means that I need to go back onto my
stronger medicine for my MG & focus on getting my health back to where it
should be, as well as getting emotionally strong once again. This has not been an easy decision at all, as
this means the end of our IVF journey. I
still get tearful thinking about it & my womb aches for a baby of our
own. The medicine takes a year to
properly kick in & I would need to be on it for at least 2 years to get
properly healthy once again – after which I would need to be off this for a
year in order for all traces of it to leave my body before we could start
trying again. This means I will not have
any eggs left.
Myasthenia Gravis is a constant battle that I am fighting
& I just want to thank all the strangers, my family & some of my
friends that have been so supportive throughout this trying time. Infertility is a terrible thing & I wish
more people would be open about it. It
is not something to be ashamed of, but rather awareness needs to be
created. People need to be accountable for
their words, their actions & aware how something simple can be so
devastating to someone trying to have a baby.
I have felt isolated during this time & have found
myself withdrawing further as I cannot deal with certain people; & the way
they treat me & my husband.
Please, be kind to one another.
Offer support.
Be the person you would want in your life.
And don't ever, ever give up!
